Excerpted from Fight for Joy by Michele Howe
“You make known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”
Psalm 16:11
In the last year, our family made the heart-wrenching move from our church home of eighteen years to a new church fellowship; our beloved nephew took his own life; I was handed a cancer diagnosis along with several potentially debilitating physical diagnoses; our four adult children (and their families) have been battling their own uniquely difficult seasons with unstable work situations and complicated, lingering illnesses; all while my elderly parents face hardships (physical and mental) in quicker succession than ever before. If these life-altering situations weren’t enough to send my joy meter plummeting (and they did), add on that each of my dearest friends have been facing down their own overwhelming array of life’s giant foes themselves. No wonder that I felt joy-less most of the time.
Instead of basking in God’s good grace and experiencing that long-forgotten joy-full feeling of peace, I was undone emotionally and otherwise. Tears were a constant companion. Worry was pressing in on me during the long sleepless night hours. I was too well acquainted with fear and anxiety. In truth, I was coming apart at the seams even though I was dutifully continuing to – read my Bible, pray, memorize passages, and meditate on key verses. Still, my heart was in tatters.
“I have a choice and so do you.”
If, like me, you’ve been in such circumstances or similar life seasons when your life feels like it has been upended on every side, then you personally know there are times in our lives when we have to fight for joy. This has been one of those seasons for me and our family. What I’ve learned during this year of multiplying losses is this: I can take the Lord at his word and believe him when he says, “you will fill me with joy in your presence.” Or I can continue to live paralyzed by my ever-changing, fickle dark emotions. I have a choice and so do you.
As I discovered in my journey through grief and sorrow over all that we had lost this past year, I realized something important that eventually helped me take stock of my habitual dismal outlook. I had forgotten the power of immersing myself daily (sometimes many times each day) in God’s promises. While I had read these precious promises many times before, I had neglected to take the time to allow their truths to penetrate my deeply hurting heart. In the same way I wouldn’t treat a broken limb with a bandage, I’ve learned that I need more than a surface reading of God’s living word to sustain, strengthen, and heal me. I need to be immersed in the word. I need to settle long in his presence.
In Hebrews 4:12, we read, “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” This familiar passage awakened in me a new revelation; a fresh hope; and a promise for enduring joy. I realized that a cursory reading of God’s word isn’t enough when our hearts are breaking. No, what I needed was a deep dive into the mystery and mercies of God’s love toward his children. I required spiritual heart surgery.
And I believe this is what God wanted too. So, ever so slowly, I attempted a jumpstart of sorts in my journey back to joy. I started to fight for joy. I began to linger longer in those specific passages that spoke hope to my heart. I allowed myself long stretches of time to simply sit in silence before the Lord begging him to help me, encourage me, and reorient my thinking so that I could view all these painful losses from another (better and eternal) perspective. Each time my thoughts started taking me down the dark tunnel of depression, I stopped myself. I prayed out loud asking the Lord to give me the strength and grace to trust him more deeply with these hard and confusing circumstances. I also began to discipline myself to say, “thank you, Lord,” for what he has allowed. Honestly, I finally understood what it means to offer a “sacrifice of praise,” during these heartbreaking moments.
I knew I needed to reframe all the hurt I endured, the helplessness I was battling, into a hopeful, joy-full, very present possibility that God was doing a good work in me through this season of sorrow. I wish I could say that suddenly I felt all better and my joy abounded but that isn’t what happened. In fact, I’m still fighting for joy on some days. But God has begun to transform my sorrowful, defeated heart into something sturdier, something more resilient, and something that images Jesus more closely. Joy is not only possible, it is promised. But the hard truth is this: sometimes we have to fight for joy.
AUTHOR BIO
Michele Howe is the author of 31 books for women, children, and families. She has published over 3000 articles, reviews, and curricula. Her newest titles are Fight for Joy – Discovering Peace in Impossible Circumstances and Brave Faith for Hard Things – Sacred Purpose in Ordinary Suffering. Read more about Michele’s writing ministry at www.michelehowe.wordpress.com.
